What do I say?

I couldn't figure out how to start this post. I'm honestly not sure what to say. My life is just too complicated these days to put the whole thing into words.

First, someone I've gotten to know very well since the summer, someone who's almost become one of my best friends, isn't speaking to me. He has his own crap going on in his life, so I can't be selfish and get mad at him, but it hurts my feelings. I feel abandoned and that makes it harder to accept that I shouldn't be "selfish". If that even makes sense. I know that what he is going through it much worse than my petty issues, but despite that, I can't make myself FEEL better about the situation.

Second, someone else I thought was a friend, not as close of a friend, but a friend none-the-less, is treating me badly. I feel like sometimes I want people to like me, which is something everyone does, so I allow them to treat me in a way that's hurtful. I put myself in this situation, I chose it. I realize that. I don't know why I do this to myself though. That's the real question of the day.

Why do I allow certain friends to be awful to me? It only hurts me in the long run. It doesn't build my self esteem or make me into a better person. It just brings me down and confuses me. And it's unhealthy.

I wish I knew how to change the way that I act. I wish that I could figure out how to stop being the way that I am and actually become a better person. I wish I wasn't stuck in my own self generated cycle of pain. I wish I knew what to say.