My words and smile are so easy now

So, as "you" may have noticed, I have all of one comment anywhere on this blog.

It's interesting. I mean, I guess I thought that people would be so much more open and talkative on a blog, you know, I thought that people might notice.

Now I realize that this is one amongst many. There are family blogs with updates of children, travel blogs with photos of exotic places, and many blogs about things. It's these blogs about things that I think are the most interesting. I mean, are we really so inundated with materialism that we need to blog about our favorite perfume or dress?

I wonder why I thought that blogging had something to do about the person, the individual, the human being.

Jedi vs. Ninja

Here is the scenario. You hit someone who attempts to deflect the blow, and while doing so, cries, "ha. I have the reflexes of a Jedi"

Now... wouldn't you agree that it would be more appropriate in said situation to say, "ha. I have the reflexes of a ninja" ?

Here's the logic:

Jedi only have super reflexes because of the Force. Ninjas are badass and have their own finely tuned muscles to thank for their lightening-quick reflexes. Therefore, unless said individual above is claiming to have the Force, then he/she OUGHT to have equated his/her reflexes to a ninja's since those reflexes did not, in fact, originate from the Force, but from the person.

Your thoughts?

Down the rabbit hole

It's a funny thing when you find out. When you are reading in visceral detail the way that your former lover was with another woman and even though you left this guy, this boy, this person, it still gives you a knot in your stomach to think about him with another woman. Even though, you know that you are with someone new, someone who you go home to at night, who loves you and who you love back. Yet, it still twists a weird, unfortunate hole into your stomach and you wonder if that dull ache ever goes away.

It's been over a year since you walked away but you feel like it's been a lifetime and a day. Both. The immediate past and the indeterminate past. Little memories writhe at the surface as you're emailing again. Dammit. You're corresponding again.

Fuck this artwork. Fuck the past. Move on without so much as glancing back. You tell yourself. 

And you repeat it over and over again and you remember the things you hated and you remembered the arguing and you remember. And you remember. And you remember. And it's awful and wonderful at the same time. You wander lost through those fucking memories and wonder how you've come to this point. Again.

Is your life stuck on rewind and repeat? Or does it only seem that way until you can cut away the past, with a dripping, angry blade, that shines when it cuts the fat from the meat. I want to cut away the past, but instead I hack away with this butter knife that does nothing but muck up the past and present and leave me with bloody pulp for an answer.

What the fuck am I doing?

I am NOT warm and fuzzy

Well, my boyfriend's friends think that I am not warm and fuzzy enough so there MUST be relationship problems.

Oh yeah? FUCK OFF!

I'm sick and tired of the way that they interact. They're not fucking friends. They are people who coddle each other, who refuse to be honest about each others' issues, and who want everyone to be warm and fucking fuzzy all the time.

I admit, I can be a bitch. I can get annoyed at the boyfriend and make it all to clear, in front of his friends, what my annoyance is. And that's wrong. I know that. I am working on it.

But really! I am not going to cling to his side and never speak to any of my male friends at parties and only pat the boyfriend on the head when he does anything and everything.

Yes, dammit, it drives me crazy how loud he gets when he drinks. Yes, it bothers me that he smokes pot.

But in the fucking end, he gets to come home with me and sleep with me. I consider that proof enough.