Last weekend, I was leaving a bar with my boyfriend and friends, and when I walked outside (separated from the group) a guy looked straight at me and said, "You're hot!"
Wow, it was weird to be addressed so strongly by a stranger (albeit a drunk one), but flattering, so I said, "Thank you."
He was so excited! He said, "See! [to his friend] That's what I mean! This other girl was a bitch to me and she didn't need to be."
I smiled and continued walking, but it made me think. Why ARE women so quick, generally, to treat men harshly when they compliment us? Have we allowed feminism to make us cold? Are we so afraid of "bad men" that we can't accept a compliment?
I certainly don't have that answer, but from now on, my policy is: thank you.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
The New Year
I guess it's that time of year to begin thinking about what I want to change next year. I've never been much for resolutions. Not because I'm against them, I've just never gotten into making them. It seems too often that people make resolutions that they can't keep or give up on very quickly. Perhaps it's because we believe that our resolutions have to be momentous in order for them to "count." I don't know. Major changes happen over time and cannot truly happen over night. It's not like we can wake up a new person on Jan. 1.
So, my boyfriend is quitting smoking. That's exciting, but it's something that will be a tough process and one that will take him years (?) to completely, totally be rid of it. He's really going to try. He's starting to jog with me and he's loading up on nicotine gum/patches. I hope that he can make it longer than the 30 hours he made it last year. ha.
Me, well, that's a different story. I guess my goal should be to focus at work more (unlike what I'm currently doing). I definitely want to pursue my New Life Plan (henceforth, NLP) by researching and gathering information. Yep, those two things are it. But then, how do I do that most successfully? I have a lot of trouble focusing in the office and it's a little overwhelming thinking about all the work I need to do to get moving on a project like the one I want to begin. So, perhaps, my resolution should actually be to take my goals one day at a time.
Much better, I believe.
So, my boyfriend is quitting smoking. That's exciting, but it's something that will be a tough process and one that will take him years (?) to completely, totally be rid of it. He's really going to try. He's starting to jog with me and he's loading up on nicotine gum/patches. I hope that he can make it longer than the 30 hours he made it last year. ha.
Me, well, that's a different story. I guess my goal should be to focus at work more (unlike what I'm currently doing). I definitely want to pursue my New Life Plan (henceforth, NLP) by researching and gathering information. Yep, those two things are it. But then, how do I do that most successfully? I have a lot of trouble focusing in the office and it's a little overwhelming thinking about all the work I need to do to get moving on a project like the one I want to begin. So, perhaps, my resolution should actually be to take my goals one day at a time.
Much better, I believe.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
How it feels
It feels good. Very good.
I thought it wouldn't ever happen again. Honestly. It sounds melodramatic, but after being with an impassioned artist for three years (off-and-on) I was convinced that I could only fall in love with someone who could inspire strong negative and positive emotions. I thought that I would be doomed to either feel lukewarm about a stable, relatively normal guy OR to be with an unstable, but passionate artist/musician/dancer type.
No one had ever made me feel the extremes of emotion that this ex had made me feel. I was crushed beyond recognition (I felt at the time) when we broke up the first time. I was traumatized when he was dating other women, even though I was with other men. I fell instantly back in love with him when we'd get back together. I thought, "ok, so this fighting, and off-and-on elation and misery are the key to being in love" I believed that someone more easy going or less angsty would not be able to make me love him the way I loved my emotionally fraught relationship with the artist.
It's funny. I think everyone should date someone who drives them crazy. I think everyone should be ridiculously in love with someone who will break his/her heart and who will have his/her heart broken. He once said to me, "I've never felt as passionately about anyone as I do about you." And I believed that I could never have that feeling again.
Then, as the problems bubbled more and more to the surface, and the inevitability of my leaving became clear to me, I was willing to leave that passion behind. I knew I would never be happy, and so I resigned myself to never feeling like that with someone else. I knew I would love someone else, but I thought it couldn't possibly be as good or deep.
Time passed, and as the old song goes, "time is a healer," something I really believe. I let my heart heal, even though it was me who finally left, it still somehow felt like it was him. I made mistakes, I slept with two different best friends and hurt both of them on my path to recovery. I moved to a new city and began a new life.
But I never forgot that I would "never" find love again. Then, I met him. My new boyfriend. And he is everything my ex was not. He is relaxed. He holds down a job. He is "book smart" and likes to read. He has been with 2 women rather than many. He isn't intimidated by my intelligence. He is gentle and sweet. And he loves me. And I love him.
God, it's amazing, but I feel so good. I love him like I thought I couldn't love anyone, and it's better this time. There isn't the terrible low to accompany the high. There aren't the irrational fears and depression. He makes me happy and I motivate him.
Funny how life turns out. I guess I need to remember that we can always find someone who makes sense for us, and we really can fall back in love.
I thought it wouldn't ever happen again. Honestly. It sounds melodramatic, but after being with an impassioned artist for three years (off-and-on) I was convinced that I could only fall in love with someone who could inspire strong negative and positive emotions. I thought that I would be doomed to either feel lukewarm about a stable, relatively normal guy OR to be with an unstable, but passionate artist/musician/dancer type.
No one had ever made me feel the extremes of emotion that this ex had made me feel. I was crushed beyond recognition (I felt at the time) when we broke up the first time. I was traumatized when he was dating other women, even though I was with other men. I fell instantly back in love with him when we'd get back together. I thought, "ok, so this fighting, and off-and-on elation and misery are the key to being in love" I believed that someone more easy going or less angsty would not be able to make me love him the way I loved my emotionally fraught relationship with the artist.
It's funny. I think everyone should date someone who drives them crazy. I think everyone should be ridiculously in love with someone who will break his/her heart and who will have his/her heart broken. He once said to me, "I've never felt as passionately about anyone as I do about you." And I believed that I could never have that feeling again.
Then, as the problems bubbled more and more to the surface, and the inevitability of my leaving became clear to me, I was willing to leave that passion behind. I knew I would never be happy, and so I resigned myself to never feeling like that with someone else. I knew I would love someone else, but I thought it couldn't possibly be as good or deep.
Time passed, and as the old song goes, "time is a healer," something I really believe. I let my heart heal, even though it was me who finally left, it still somehow felt like it was him. I made mistakes, I slept with two different best friends and hurt both of them on my path to recovery. I moved to a new city and began a new life.
But I never forgot that I would "never" find love again. Then, I met him. My new boyfriend. And he is everything my ex was not. He is relaxed. He holds down a job. He is "book smart" and likes to read. He has been with 2 women rather than many. He isn't intimidated by my intelligence. He is gentle and sweet. And he loves me. And I love him.
God, it's amazing, but I feel so good. I love him like I thought I couldn't love anyone, and it's better this time. There isn't the terrible low to accompany the high. There aren't the irrational fears and depression. He makes me happy and I motivate him.
Funny how life turns out. I guess I need to remember that we can always find someone who makes sense for us, and we really can fall back in love.
Friday, December 7, 2007
Being back
It was interesting being back. Back in the college town, I mean. I spent four years of my life living there (summers too) but since graduation I've been there a grand total of three times. Including last night.
Last night, my boyfriend, my best guy friend from college who lives in the same city as me, and I went back to our sleepy little college town. There was a Christmas party and we just decided to go make an appearance and surprise people. We drove over the mountains and through the woods (really) with our white elephant gifts in tow, and I had butterflies in my stomach.
See, I didn't leave on the best terms with some people. OK. Two people. Guys. Former best friends and roommates, both of whom I got involved with in my confusion of my senior year and a break up from my last major relationship. Long story short, the three of us were like the three damn amigos, and then everything went to shit when they both wanted me and I couldn't pick and eventually just dropped both, as lovers, not as friends. One accepted that. The other didn't. Even though the former and I were supposed to be on good terms, I was nervous to see him as we headed that way. I did really hurt him.
And it went really well. Everyone did the shrieking and hugging. My boyfriend was introduced to everybody, and the girls thought he was cute and nice. I got to see many people who I haven't had a chance to talk with in a long time. And I was able to sit down and chat with my best girl friends who I don't get to see often enough.
Then, the old flame arrived. It was so nice to see him, to be honest. I don't feel anything for him anymore, but I miss his friendship dearly, so this was a test for me. And he was great. It was a little like the old days (minus our 3rd friend, sigh). Then, while we were dancing (side note: all my college friends are swing dancers like I am) he said to me, after several drinks, granted, "after all this time and everything that's happened, you're still so bad for me."
Hmmm. Very interesting. Now, I get what he meant. "Bad" as in, "I still want you." I was a little surprised. I mean, I did look hot. Duh. I was seeing all my old friends, I wanted to look good. Who doesn't? But, like he said, after all this time AND everything that HAS happened, the pull of attraction is still there.
When I dance with my former dance partner, who happens to be an ex-boyfriend as well, I can still feel the sizzle that once was part of our relationship. When I go out with my "hot" ex-boyfriend from high school (damn, he is still so good looking) I have to restrain myself. When I think about being around my last boyfriend, the passionate artist, I can't imagine how we could not want to touch each other. And I know that all three feel the same about me. Yet, none of them want to be together, and I know I certainly don't.
Being back reminds you of how things once were, yet, you don't always want those things to be back in your life. It's funny, how things could have been so very important and now they are merely shadows of the past. A twinge, a look, a fleeting touch, but nothing more.
And you know, I can't say that I mind. It was good being back, but it's no longer home.
Last night, my boyfriend, my best guy friend from college who lives in the same city as me, and I went back to our sleepy little college town. There was a Christmas party and we just decided to go make an appearance and surprise people. We drove over the mountains and through the woods (really) with our white elephant gifts in tow, and I had butterflies in my stomach.
See, I didn't leave on the best terms with some people. OK. Two people. Guys. Former best friends and roommates, both of whom I got involved with in my confusion of my senior year and a break up from my last major relationship. Long story short, the three of us were like the three damn amigos, and then everything went to shit when they both wanted me and I couldn't pick and eventually just dropped both, as lovers, not as friends. One accepted that. The other didn't. Even though the former and I were supposed to be on good terms, I was nervous to see him as we headed that way. I did really hurt him.
And it went really well. Everyone did the shrieking and hugging. My boyfriend was introduced to everybody, and the girls thought he was cute and nice. I got to see many people who I haven't had a chance to talk with in a long time. And I was able to sit down and chat with my best girl friends who I don't get to see often enough.
Then, the old flame arrived. It was so nice to see him, to be honest. I don't feel anything for him anymore, but I miss his friendship dearly, so this was a test for me. And he was great. It was a little like the old days (minus our 3rd friend, sigh). Then, while we were dancing (side note: all my college friends are swing dancers like I am) he said to me, after several drinks, granted, "after all this time and everything that's happened, you're still so bad for me."
Hmmm. Very interesting. Now, I get what he meant. "Bad" as in, "I still want you." I was a little surprised. I mean, I did look hot. Duh. I was seeing all my old friends, I wanted to look good. Who doesn't? But, like he said, after all this time AND everything that HAS happened, the pull of attraction is still there.
When I dance with my former dance partner, who happens to be an ex-boyfriend as well, I can still feel the sizzle that once was part of our relationship. When I go out with my "hot" ex-boyfriend from high school (damn, he is still so good looking) I have to restrain myself. When I think about being around my last boyfriend, the passionate artist, I can't imagine how we could not want to touch each other. And I know that all three feel the same about me. Yet, none of them want to be together, and I know I certainly don't.
Being back reminds you of how things once were, yet, you don't always want those things to be back in your life. It's funny, how things could have been so very important and now they are merely shadows of the past. A twinge, a look, a fleeting touch, but nothing more.
And you know, I can't say that I mind. It was good being back, but it's no longer home.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Susie Homemaker
When did I turn into Susie Homemaker?
Recently, I decided that we (my boyfriend and I) should eat at home more often. It's better for us and we can put our money to better use than eating out. So, I've started cooking. It's simple stuff, really, but I feel good about not eating in restaurants so much, and actually, I've liked cooking. Not that I love the cooking itself, but the whole process. My boyfriend putsing around the living room, me in the kitchen, him coming into the kitchen to give me kisses, listening to music, BSing about our day, etc. The whole thing.
It's weird. I mean, on the professional side, I work in a male-dominated field. I handle myself like an adult and go head to head with the "old boys" on a regular basis. I cut big deals, I bring in lots of revenue. On the personal side, I like to have sex. I've hurt more guys than have ever been hurt because I treated sex casually. I expect to be considered my boyfriend's equal and have no problem out earning him.
Yet, there I am. Packing him a lunch in the mornings. Cooking dinner at night. Yes, he does the dishes and always says thank you. He always tells me how good I am for him and how I motivate and inspire him. So, despite the fact that I am a fully capable woman who is self supporting, I've still turned into my mother.
My mother is a neat lady. She's super smart and she did a good job raising us. We all went to college because she motivated us and pushed us. She helped my father start his own business. And she cooked dinner and made lunches for us, even to today, when 2/3 of her kids are out of the house. I can see my mother in me when I'm cutting the cheese perfectly for the sandwiches and spreading the mustard & mayo evenly. I can see her when I'm mixing the sauces and stirring the noodles, and I can't help, but wonder.
When did I turn into Susie Homemaker?
Recently, I decided that we (my boyfriend and I) should eat at home more often. It's better for us and we can put our money to better use than eating out. So, I've started cooking. It's simple stuff, really, but I feel good about not eating in restaurants so much, and actually, I've liked cooking. Not that I love the cooking itself, but the whole process. My boyfriend putsing around the living room, me in the kitchen, him coming into the kitchen to give me kisses, listening to music, BSing about our day, etc. The whole thing.
It's weird. I mean, on the professional side, I work in a male-dominated field. I handle myself like an adult and go head to head with the "old boys" on a regular basis. I cut big deals, I bring in lots of revenue. On the personal side, I like to have sex. I've hurt more guys than have ever been hurt because I treated sex casually. I expect to be considered my boyfriend's equal and have no problem out earning him.
Yet, there I am. Packing him a lunch in the mornings. Cooking dinner at night. Yes, he does the dishes and always says thank you. He always tells me how good I am for him and how I motivate and inspire him. So, despite the fact that I am a fully capable woman who is self supporting, I've still turned into my mother.
My mother is a neat lady. She's super smart and she did a good job raising us. We all went to college because she motivated us and pushed us. She helped my father start his own business. And she cooked dinner and made lunches for us, even to today, when 2/3 of her kids are out of the house. I can see my mother in me when I'm cutting the cheese perfectly for the sandwiches and spreading the mustard & mayo evenly. I can see her when I'm mixing the sauces and stirring the noodles, and I can't help, but wonder.
When did I turn into Susie Homemaker?
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