It's been a while... And yet...

And yet, I find myself in a weird conundrum of emotions.

I seem to be a fickle lover. And I mean that in both the most sincere and apologetic way. I tend to have many interests, and often times have a hard time centering my emotional output on one individual. Does that mean that I cheat? Yes, I have cheated. On the current boyfriend? No, thankfully.

I’ve been trying to untangle myself, emotionally, to get at the root of my wandering eye. Do I feel the need for many men to love me in order to feel wanted? Not really. Do I have a Daddy complex? Not so much. Instead, I seem to cheat because I care about more than one guy at once. Yes, I love the one I’m with, but I might care deeply for someone else at the same time.

Why me?! Why can’t I find someone who so captivates me that I don’t have fleeting desires for others. I mean, the few times that I have cheated, it’s always been with an EX-lover who has come back into my life for some reason. And I find myself on that precipice again. You can judge me if you want, but I never cheat because I don’t love my current partner. I’ve done it because I’m not quite loving enough not to desire what I used to have. And for various reasons. Nostalgia, certainly. Different passion, of course.

And yet, here I am again. Corresponding on an emotional level with a former flame, “the” former flame, if we are being honest, and I hate myself for it. Then again, I don’t.

The current issue is this. The former flame does not want the same things as me in life. We have too different life views to make it work, but we had amazing chemistry, intense passions. The current flame wants the same things as me and is going the same way. But he is darling and loveable in a safe way. Do I feel the same intensity? No. Do I love him? Yes, but in a different way.

So, here I am again. Asking myself the same question: is there any hope that I will find stable love and intense passion in the same person?

When the side effects become effects

It is terrifying to see report after report about the potentially crippling and/or fatal side effects of medications. I mean, I read today that Acetaminophen (the active ingredient in Tylenol) is number FIVE on the list of the most lethal drug approved by the FDA! It seems that our fix-all society is going to drive itself into the grave with medications for every ailment and side effects that really ought to be called “effects.”

Why is it that we feel compelled to stave off every possible pain and sniffle with drugs? What has driven us to the point where we feel the need to pop 4 Tylenol for a headache and down Nyquil for the sniffles? We are harming our bodies and yet most people seem not to care.

It’s worse, perhaps, when people take every kind of supplement under the sun. Sure, I think most people can agree that drugs aren’t great for them (recreational use aside), but supplements? Sure, they say, they’re great! 12 million percent of my daily Vitamin C! Many over-the-counter supplements are full of minerals, which are not good for you, and many homeopathic medications contain trace amounts of poisons. Of course, the FDA doesn’t even regulate these products!

I know this isn’t my normal tone of blog, but really people, we need to stop with the pill popping. Don’t let the effects ruin our health and our lives.

I hate you blogger

My last blog got deleted. Now you just have to wonder what it is I wrote... Here's a hint, it was called, "sorting it all out"

WORK

Wow, I feel like I never get to write anymore... It's amazing how much time a new job can take up.

Here is a thought I haven't had a chance to fully explore:

Morning bed silliness. I love it and am a full participant in being as silly as possible. Why is this such an intimate portrait of a relationship?