DANGER Will Robinson!

So, the red flag needs to be taken OUT of the box and be waved in front of my face!

Despite my recent proclamation of single happiness, I seem to have a little scandal developing on the side. And of course, it’s revolving around the ex-boyfriend, the artist, who I can’t seem to keep out of my life.

Over the last couple months, we’ve been chatting again, and it’s gotten up to a daily, many times a day, conversation. Then, he stopped by my parents’ house to say hi a month ago when I was there. Then he came over last Friday night to hang out with me. And it’s all on the sly from his current, LIVE-IN girlfriend. And NOW, our innocent texting has gotten a slightly scandalous bent and I can’t seem to stop myself!

Here’s what happened… I was talking to him about this secret blog and how no one will ever read it because there are things about them that I might have written and don’t feel like sharing – him included. So, I got a text when I woke up this morning that appeared to have been sent at 3 am. It said “I think I know you well enough to know what you think of me. Can’t talk anymore…”

I was like WTF? Did he have a dramatic moment in the middle of the night and decide that he *gasp* can’t be ‘friends’ anymore? So, I texted him back and this has been the convo since then…

Me: I hope I misunderstand your last text. I think that you took my blogging comments all out of context, and would be upset if our friendship was ended over that.
Him: No rere! [Girlfriend's name removed] came home
(wow is he hiding this or WHAT)
Me: lol, I thought you might have been having a dramatic moment – I didn’t get the text until 3 am…
Him: You were up late
Me: No, I got the text this morning. I was definitely asleep at 3 am
Him: Strange
Me: Indeed, which is WHY I thought, oh geez, he’s having a dramatic moment at 3 am
Him: No! Fu lady! I hate you for even thinking it.
(this is him joking around)
Me: Yah right, as IF you’ve never had a ridiculous notion at 3 am ;-)
Him: And I woke you up for a couple of them
(AH! Why the sudden infusion of sexual references…)
Me: By ridiculous, I don’t mean things I enjoy bc those are always appreciated
(I AM playing with fire!!)
Him: Yes they were…
Me: Don’t be TOO proud of yourself. I was an active contributor
(why God, why?! I have an inability to stop myself)
Him: ha. I know how to…
Me: to what? It’s not like you didn’t enjoy yourself :-P
(oh geez! My feminine ego/wiles kicked in)
Him: Always do
Me: Always a plus
(what the eff? ALWAYS A PLUS?! WHAT AM I DOING!?)

It’s now time to WAVE THE RED FLAG! DANGER AHEAD!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Then, damage control semi kicked in...

Him: You love it
Me: Did then, assume I would now
Him: You will
Me: I know
(Realizing that we’re dangerously close to implicating agreeing to have an affair, Vicky Christina Barcelona aside, I begin to attempt some damage control before it gets out of hand completely)
Me: But it’s all hypothetical, of course
Him: Most things are
Me : True, but it does make life a little less spicy :-P Sometimes I wish that everything was real.
(clearly, previous attempt at damage control ‘damaged’ by this statement)
Him: More spicy you mean? And what do you want real?
Me: I do enjoy spice in my life, and real, well, that remains to be seen
(here is my pathetic attempt to backpedal my previous statement)
Him: Need help with that?
Me: I’m open to suggestions
(while my rational brain screams, “No, No I am not” but is overpowered by my crazy brain)
Him: I suggest you get help
(ah, playing coy or also backpedaling?)
Me: Well, I guess that I’ll keep that in mind
Him: That does not help your “real” dilemma.
Me: True, but unless you’re volunteering, ha, I’ve got no one HERE who’s interesting enough to make a dent

*bangs head on desk*