I have suddenly turned into Miss Manners...

Oh. My. God. My boyfriend has bad table manners!

Now, I am aware that I'm not perfect, I know that standards are lax now-a-days, and that my parents were stricter than most people's, but still... AH!

So, we go out to a nice dinner for his birthday. Here is my list of issues:

1.) His navy blue undershirt did NOT match his green polo (ok, I know this isn't manners, but annoying all the same)

2.) Elbows on the table while eating

3.) Talking with food in mouth

4.) Clicking his teeth on his fork when he takes a bite!

I was so irritated that I could barely look at him and then I felt super bad because it was his birthday and all I wanted to do was scream, “For God Sakes Man, Get Your Elbows Off the Table and Keep Your Mouth SHUT!”

Plus, I have a problem with compulsively biting my nails, which I have never figured was THAT big of a deal... Well, he does it too and I am so grossed out when I see him do it that I realize how AWFUL I must look. Must cease and desist immediately.

Moving on with the past in tow

I'm not really sure how to put this, but I've been thinking about my ex a lot. No, not in a "I wish we were still together" or "I miss him" kind of way, but more in a regretful, pondering kind of way. It's really odd and I'm not sure quite what I think of it.

As you (assuming you've read other posts in my blog) know, the "artist ex boyfriend" and I have long had lingering attraction, distraction, etc., and I've gone back to thinking about him or talking to him or being with him many times. Thankfully, I've finally moved past that phase in my life and can actually email with him without it ever being inappropriate or without me wishing that we had something more.

But with the most recent ex, it's odd. I mean, we never had crazy, intense passion. We never had a big explosive relationship. We spent 8 months together, mostly hanging out at home, drinking with his friends, and generally being low key. Then, his insecurities drove me away and I dumped him last May... (and hooked up with computer programmer guy, but that is another issue) Yet, all last summer, we were occasionally hooking up and still talking about possibly getting back together. Then, we did, for a month, until I realized (again) that it wasn't going to work out. Then, for the past few months, aka ever since he over shared his feelings of regret via text/found out I had a boyfriend (about whom I'll blog on a later date), he hasn't spoken to me.

I don't know. Even though he was probably the least "attractive" guy I dated, the least driven, the least active, there was a connection there that I simply cannot explain. And now that we don't talk, I don't want to be with him but I kind of want to know that he's doing ok. I kind of miss his funny emails and wish we were on better terms. It's like, I wish I could sit down with him in person and just say, "I'm sorry I treated you badly over the last few months we were involved, and I want you to know that I value you as a person and our time together DID mean something to me." I feel like it's too weird to email him that message because I (in no way) want him to think that I want to date him or that I want something from him. And so, I can't quite get it out of the back of my mind.

Does that even make sense?

Irrational Beliefs and Behavoirs

A friend posed the question to me, "what do you do when you cannot find middle ground between two conflicting viewpoints because one side is so irrational that there isn't a way to reconcile the two sides?" One of her examples is Iran (or Korea) vs the US...

The problem with irrational behaviors and beliefs are that they are fundamentally 'unopen' to rational response.

I mean, if you consider the case of Iran and denying the Holocaust. It is one of the most documented events in history and yet there are people like Ahmadinejad who virulently deny that it happened – crazy!?

Or if you take an example close to home – the batshit crazy Southern Baptists. You can’t reason with people like that...

You can 'rationally' state their motivations – i.e. spawn hatred against the Jews or that black people are inferior – but that doesn’t mean that you can provide a solution that suits both parties because solutions can’t serve irrational and rational goals at the same time. PLUS, to make matters more difficult, because you come from a rational viewpoint, your attempt to stand on middle ground and ‘understand’ their viewpoint is basically impossible.

Talk about your BIG questions in life. If I had the answer to this question, I would be the Nobel Peace Prize Winner and a whole lot richer...