Dreaming of men...

I don’t know what it is about my subconscious, but it seems to decide to conjure up the most bizarre scenarios involving men.

Last night, I had a dream that I was in a room, sitting on a couch, and opposite me was my college colleague/2-time fling, my ex-boyfriend artist, and another college colleague/one-time interest. I was uninterested in the artist who I’ve always considered to be the love of my life (who I’ve dreamed about many a time – and we’re always breaking up or moving apart when I do), but I was into my 2-time fling (who happens to have been pursuing sex with me this summer). I ended up kissing the fling in front of the third guy who is a mutual friend of ours who was understandably shocked and confused by the interaction.

It was all so real and bizarre. I’ve gone through a break up where my dreams were so realistic and heart-breaking that I would wake up irrevocably depressed. I’ve had vivid dreams about sex with friends who I’ve never looked at sexually. I’ve dreamed of being pregnant and going baby clothes shopping with someone that I was horrified to be pregnant by. And many other bizarre incarnations of men I know.

The thing is that these dreams are all the same variety – strikingly real, regarding men, and burning in my mind when I wake up. I don’t know what I dream about and don’t remember, but these visions of men dance through my brain in stark contrast to dreamlike sequences I’d prefer to experience in my sleep.

What strikes me about these dreams is the visceral experience that they leave with me. I am physically and emotionally drawn into their false world and I can’t shake the feelings when I stumble back to being awake. It’s beyond my ability to comprehend the implications of this particular facet of my brain, but I wish that I had some answer for the lingering feelings I have when I wake up…